I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
