She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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