Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
