I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
