Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
