my phone needs a breathalizer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
