Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
