I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you still have your period?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
