Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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