You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
