I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
