It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
