hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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