Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i drank out of a bidet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
false alarm, still single
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
