i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
