remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
