So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
