I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
