I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
