Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
