ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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