threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a search helicopter?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
