Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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