got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
