I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
