the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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