somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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