I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
