I love having hate sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
