East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
