we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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