the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
