do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
