I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
