Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
