her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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