It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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