He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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