she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
