The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
