Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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