tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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