They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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