Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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