I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
