Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
