In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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