Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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