Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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