Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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