we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
