I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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