this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
