I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
